It’s been just over a year since I launched Faith, Hope and Sunshine and what an exceptional year it has been! And not in a very good sense of the word.
There has been loss, mourning, the implosion and re-birth of my marriage, catastrophic website issues, leaving organised religion and the loss of friendships that come with that, illness and then healing, all whilst trying to balance an increasing workload at my day job and the usual bog standard struggles that come with raising two children.
All of that has lead to insecurity and questioning.
Questioning my ability to do this;
Questioning my own worth and place in this world;
Heck, even questioning my own sanity at times.
And yet, the road has lead me here and the re-launch of my dream.
Over the last 15 years, gift boxes have been my way of reaching out to people – for ten of those 15 years we lived in Oklahoma and gift boxes were my way of connecting wth my people. Friends who were struggling through break-ups, were suffering in almost-silence with health issues, family who needed a pick-me-ups, needing to know there was someone out there that was thinking of them, lifting them up in prayer and positivity. That is where all this began.
You see I understand the paths that some of them had been walking – intimately understand them.
Depression, anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed and ‘not enough’ were all of my own personal struggles too, especially over the past year.
At times, depression lead me to dark places and fundamentally changed me – that has been a walk that I have known for 30 years personally.
I understand the days that seem too much, when even just wrestling with a toddler to get their shoes on so you can, just once, leave the house and not arrive somewhere late – could make you feel like you have no energy left to function. I get it.
I would hear about people ending their lives when from the outside it seemed like they had a picture perfect life – and I would physically hurt for them, for their families, for all the pain.
I would see people in my own circle struggling with addictions to cover their own pain or things that haunt them and I wanted to be able to reach out, tell them I was there – I see them and they have no idea how beautiful, inspirational and strong they are.
Hoping that the very act of reaching out to them would give them just a glimpse of how much they were loved – how much of a support network existed if they were only able to catch their breath and look around them, even for just a minute.
And whilst this past year has been one of the hardest, most heart-breaking and painful of my life – it has also shown me that this is my calling, my passion, my heart.
That place of desperation, love and longing to let people know
I’m here for you
You ARE enough
Let me love you, right where you are – right now.
Let me hold you up when you don’t have the fight anymore
And it is with a renewed sense of peace, joy and focus that this wee business is now my main focus That it will no longer fit in around all of my other commitments, but, aside from my family, it is my main commitment….my full time job…my life.
And whilst that is pretty scary it is also exciting, exhilarating and I have a sense of peace that this position, right here, right now – is exactly where I am supposed to be – all paths have lead here, doors have been closed for a reason.
And so a new chapter begins, big changes, a tightening of belts! And a new focus that has bred so much creativity that I sometimes don’t even know where to begin.
And for the first time in a long time, I am excited for the future.